Well, my alarm clock is acting up again–so I took matters in my own hands and wrote those Hamlicker-Smellinger guys a letter. I wrote them.
Dear German Guys,
You have a lot of letters in your name, but that’s okay because I’m German too. I have two problems that I should discuss with you.
The first problem is this clock I got. My sister-in-law sent it to me for Christmas (2006). While I think this isn’t your problem—still you sold it to her. It’s called a Peaceful Progression Wake Up Alarm (made in China). Here’s the issue the progression is broken. Suddenly the part where it “gradually lightens the room” doesn’t work. This morning it went on real bright and then started blinking like a bunch of real fast clouds were going by. My wife, who has Alzheimer’s, says it’s because the filament is broke. I don’t listen to her because she has this condition. I think it’s the Chinese. They have a problem with lead. I say “Hey China Get the Lead Out” what do you say? Anyway it seems like in the morning there are really fast clouds going by. What should I do?
Also just to help you do good in your business I think your web site is bad. There are too many letters. Look at your name. You should be HandS.com. I looked this up and there is some guy in England who uses this. He does some kind of fancy-schmntzy consulting and says on his web site that if he’s too expensive to FIND SOMEONE ELSE. He is Mr. Arrogant. Buy his web site, and then you’ll get a lot of money. HandS for this arrogant cuss ends with a com dot doohickey. I will be happy to check out org.com or net.com or edu.com if you’ll fix my clock.
Also—what’s up with those birds? The default sound is a bunch of very scary birds (I think there is a T.Rex or Paradactyl or some kind of Chinese swoop down and bite your private parts bird). I think you should get some less scary bird to wake me up.
Greg (Kramer) Robertson
PS. If you want to change your web-site I suggest you look at
Godaddy.com.
When I sent the e-mail I got a response that they were closed due to bad weather (snow) I think someone should tell Albert “I guarandamntee you I won a prize” Gore that this is another reason I say ‘Global warming what’s so bad about it?” Do businesses shut down when it’s hot? Global Warming good for the economy. Anyway back to the Hamlicker Smellinger guys, I will post their response IF I get 20 clicks to www.stellaartois.comwhis week If not I will write about my aches and pains next week. It easy just put your mouse over the www.stellaartois.com and you’ll get a snap shot of www.stellaartois.com click that and there you are. You will get to watch a really dumb movie. Mark said I would get more “hits” from the general public if I tagged my blogs, so when I posted the “Oldies but Goodies” I tagged it beer, bikinis, babes. This didn’t work, but if you google “gregrobertson blog” it comes up three times once for each B. I am tagging this blog “Al Gore is a redneck” Mark says he’s going to start writing on his blog again. This makes me Mark’s muse. Actually, the trip stories have been “hit” several times this week.
Ellen’s Alzheimer’s abated a little last week. She asked a really hard question. I was drinking a www.stellaartois.com when she said ‘That beer is made in Belgium” Uh-duh..it says so right on the www.stellaartois.combottle. She said “That’s close to Holland.” Uh-yeah–But here was her question “Why would you spend all that effort to keep the water out just to live in a freezing-ass (sometimes she talks like that) place?” You know what–I don’t know. Then she asked me how old she looked and I knew her Alzheimer’s was back.
I’m sure happy we shot down that satellite. But now a bunch of people are saying we just did it because of the Chinese. There was even a cartoon in the paper where a bunch of countries were making rockets to shoot down stuff. One of the countries was Podunkistan. I don’t think they should make fun of the -stan countries. I knew a guy in high school named Stan and he was a pretty good fellow. Stan would be a good name for the President. Anyway in this cartoon a guy was going to jump on a seesaw and hurl a rock in the air. This is discriminatory against those -stan countries (there sure a lot of them and their all close to each other) I don’t think this jumping on a seesaw would work. How would you aim? I think someone would get bonked on the head. You would need an extra guy to yell “Look out”
Over in Madagascar they found this big frog. Well, not really, they found it’s bones. It took scientists (Swedish?) fifteen years to find all the bones. They say it was the size of a bowling ball and ate dinosaurs. Now if it ate dinosaurs maybe the bones got mixed up. They couldn’t have found all the bones in one spot if it took 15 years. maybe the dinosaur ate the frog. There was a picture of this frog and it was real big. I wonder who paid a guy for fifteen years to put a frog together. Someone wasn’t real smart. I wouldn’t want to lve in Madagascar for fifteen years. The name of this frog is Beelzebufo, who thought that up? I know what a Beelzebub is–does this mean it’s a devil frog? I guess there’s not much to do in Madagascar.
About that mess in Kosovo. I don’t think a country should end in “O” They have a real ugly flag. It’s gold with some dragon or something on it in red. It looks like the couch in a bordello (ends with “O”)
Why do all the pictures of Hillary make her mouth look funny? She either has a big “O” looking mouth or a squish your lips together and look mad” mouth. I don’t recall a candidate with a mouth like hers. I think she should get some training in how to do her mouth so she won’t look so deranged all the time. Go Hillary Go Hillary HA HA HA. I am adding a tag to this called “Hillary’s Mouth” I think if she doesn’t win this is the reason. I think the media is trying to make her look bad with her mouth. Probably some editor says ‘Go take pictures of Hillary with her mouth in a goofy configuration.” This is because of media bias. Someone needs to do an investigation. Hillary would do better if she drank a few www.stellaartois.com beers. She would have to make the “O” expression a smaller “O” or she’d spill it.
They say there are now 995,000 words in the English language. I made up the words “scam-doodle” and leaf drift. I wonder if they counted those. If not there are 995,002.
Next week-news of the world or my aches and pains–you decide www.stellaartois.com and yeah it’s a really dumb movie.
