Okay Mark I’ve done it, I put my Sunday e-mail up for the public to see–which means a public flogging cannot be far behind–and it’ll be your fault.
About those Swedish scientists. Last week I reported they claim global warming will reduce the chance of major hurricanes thereby making Al “I won a prize” Gore’s movie wrong. NOW they’ve gotten a grant for $590,000 to measure the amount of methane released when cows belch and if it changes based on diet.
1. My great uncled had a cow farm–the answer is A LOT
2. Sure feed cows beans (beans beans the musical fruit) Hey aren’t bean legumes?
3. They pay too much taxes in Sweden–that’s where they gave Albert his prize
Actual Raleigh headline this week “Naturalist’s fly au natural to Baltic” this is redundant. Then the new editor (he has to go) adds this cutsie line “No word yet about vinyl seats” What!? They should book Southwest where all the seats are leather. Why would anyone want to go to the Baltic in the winter naked? Why would anyone want to go to the Baltic in the winter? Why would anyone want to go to the Baltic? What are they going to do? Ice skate naked? Why? Shouldn’t they wear knee pads?
Mom tells me I don’t write enough about work and life in general. Okay–I got this work thing figured out now. Before I had the meeting plan. Now I have a new one–run a report. Everyone is always running around going ‘We need a report..We need a report” I have become the master of running reports. most of these reports say the same thing as other reports but i use some tricks to make them look diffrent–this makes everyone go ‘Ohhh that’s a good report” then when they don’t expect it I change it. This gives me an excuse to explain how the new report is different form the old report. This requires a ‘Report education Meeting” This allows me to call a meeting which is always a good way to appear busy and important. Last week I spent two days designing a new report, which showed that if I worked fewer hours we’d get better results but I should still be paid. So we had a meeting which resulted in my accepting responsibility to make a new report next week. But here’s the really big news. I went out and bought a lunch box. It’s green. I decided I was tired of all that fast food and it was costing too much and making me fat. Today I went to the store. Now I don’t want a bunch of sandwiches so I got some hot dogs-now I need a thermos and string. I got some fried chicken too and potato chips. Feel better Mom?
In Georgia they are trying to pass a new law to make pick-up truck drivers wear seatbelts. Apparently the old law excluded pick up trucks from the seat belt wearing requirement. Does this make sense to anyone? They have had this debate for several years. I guess the LFUPUTD (Lobby for unsafe pick up truck driving) has a powerful leader and a good PAC. ‘Hey buddy we need to raise money so we don’t have to wear seat belts in our pick up truck”
Wake Forrest University did a study on why people keep scrathing when they have an itch–Cause it itches?
Hey this is breaking news, I just now looked a catalog. There is this thing in it called a Campbell-Stokes Sunshine Recorder. Maybe I’m being too literal but here’s the first part of the directions “Intended to be left out all year, the recorders 4″ dia. annealed optical glass sphere focuses the sun’s rays into a fine point onto a paper card inserted in the bowl’s grooves.” Is that a run on sentance? What bowl? I thought it was a “annealed optical sphere” Wouldn’t the paper get wet? Would you leave it out all year if you lived in Alaska? It also has three diffrent kinds of paper for summer, winter, and equinoctial (horse murder?) so I guess you gotta know about what paper (soggy) to use dependant on you degree of latitude. Which by the way is inscribed on the “gunmetal base” Price 1999.00
Ellen’s Alzheimer’s is worse. Thursday she forgot her key and I was running late from work (because I was trying to convince the boss I needed to work less). So she went to the store and bought wine and sat in her car talking on the phone—See much worse
Seriously, my cousin who had cancer and then a remarkable cure has had a relapse, please think of her.
